Cody's Bad Example (to "Mister Bad Example," by Warren Zevon)

Cody's Bad Example

...being the autobiographical tale of a particularly disreputable elven bard
called "Jon Cody" among the humans,
and set to the music of Mister Warren Zevon...

I started as a noble's brat, with titles, books and more
But learning all those courtly rules was such an awful bore;
I dipped into the family purse, took the money there
And changed my linen tunic for fine silk underwear.

I got a part-time job in a tavern in the wood,
I gave the ladies service every chance I could.
I cleared away their glasses, plates and maidenheads
And when they woke, I was twenty miles from their beds.

I'm very well acquainted with every major sin;
I keep a busy schedule, tryin' to fit them in.
I'm Proud to be a Glutton, and I don't have time for Sloth;
I'm Lustful and I'm Angry and I don't care who I cross.

I'm Master Bad Example, rolling in the dirt;
I like to have a good time, and I don't care who gets hurt.
I'm Master Bad Example, take a look at me;
I'll live to be two thousand and go down in infamy.

Then I started singing for a Lady of the Court
Offering her lays… of the poetic sort.
She told me that her husband commands the castle guard,
But after seeing my blade, wished he'd been a bard.

I left the Lady and her Court to travel Northern climes
And met a mercenary whose tastes included rhymes.
She stormed my gates; I defended to the final man
And left her with a complication in her battle plan.

I guested at the castle of a Countess of the Blood
Whose guards were all recruited from six feet under mud.
I fled the place and put my well-lit quarters behind me;
Her zombie guards put the fire out eventually.

I'm Master Bad Example, rolling in the dirt;
I like to have a good time, and I don't care who gets hurt.
I'm Master Bad Example, take a look at me;
I'll live to be two thousand and go down in infamy.

The rest of my adventures are too long to relate;
I've been through many foreign lands, offending the Great.
I'm thinkin' of retiring, from all my dirty deals -
I'll see you in the next life; wake me up for meals.